“Either you change, or I am going!” Ever heard that said? Or, “You can be part of our group, but you need to make some changes.” How about: “I am not good enough, I have to make changes.”
Is Change a Pre-requisite to Acceptance?
Harsh words, but change seems to be a prerequisite to acceptance in our society, in our churches, in our relationships and in our own minds. In the world we live in, it would seem that acceptance is not possible without change.
Even in our own lives, we often cannot accept ourselves until we have made changes. We first have to lose weight, dress better, get promoted, move up, have more influence, learn more and so the list goes on.
What is acceptance? It is the embracing of your person. It is embracing who you are, just as you are, without the requirement to change.
Acceptance has no Requirement of Change
All of us crave acceptance, it is one of the core desires in all of us.
To be accepted is to experience love with no strings attached.
Here is a statement that changed the way I see people, my response to relationships and my attitude to myself. It is:
We often wait for evidence of change before we accept people. But Jesus’ practice was accepting people without the requirement for change and that this acceptance triggered change in the person being accepted.
You see it in Luke 19: 1-10: “Zacchaeus, get down from there, I am coming to your house for tea.” Zacchaeus is an evil man in society’s eyes, shunned as a tax collector, no one is going to give him a leg up to see Jesus. In Zacchaeus’s own life he is “short in stature” and not good enough. But Jesus not only knows his name, he goes to be with him in his house. Jesus demonstrates His acceptance to Z and this triggers inward change in Zacchaeus. The change demonstrates itself in Z, by his own choice, realizing the error of his past actions and making public restitution with interest.
The Samaritan woman at the well, accepted by Jesus, even though she had many lovers and was shunned by society. Jesus talks to her and she says that she is offered “living water” by a man, who knew everything about her. His acceptance triggers a change in her, that has her running to town to tell others to come see the Christ. (John 4:1-30).
This acceptance that triggers change is seen in every encounter that Jesus has, even with those closest to him like Peter and doubting Thomas.
His acceptance does not wait for evidence of change, His acceptance IS THE TRIGGER that brings change.
How would our ability to just accept our loved ones make a change in our household?
I know that I personally withhold acceptance of people right now because I am waiting for change. I fight for this change in them, wait for this change in them, withdraw because I do not see change, reject because they will not change. Then when I do see change: I distrust it, will not forgive past offenses, and wait for a mistake to prove that change has not happened.
If I follow the pattern that Jesus set, wont acceptance without the requirement for change be so much more powerful? Will not acceptance communicate love more effectively?
“Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” 1 Cor 13:5
Acceptance is love in action.
True acceptance, lays down the requirement to change.
How would your life change if you practiced more acceptance and less requiring of change?
Father, thank you that Your love for me is unconditional. There is no requirement for me to change before you accept me and love me, just as I am. Help me to extend this same acceptance to others, to work on my heart and attitude so that it reflects Your heart to others.
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I find your words comforting. I’m 66 years old and still reflect back to the emotional times in high school when I was accepted for who I was. With God’s help I have accepted His love which drives out all fears and I know I’m readily accepted by Him. And really that’s all that matters!
Dear Paul,
I so agree with your words, God’s acceptance is all that matters. And I do believe that living in that acceptance does motivate me to change, but I feel loved even though I do not change.
Thank you for your comment.
Has made my day
Michelle