We are talking about living intentionally – to fulfil Pauls’ instruction to “be careful” how we live our lives in Eph 5:15-17. Living intentionally is living in such a way that your thoughts, beliefs, desires and hopes are being directed towards living in the way God desires, i.e. according to His will.
Our world culture encourages us to devalue what God counts as something of great value. One thing that’s valued less and less in our world, is relationships. We build networks instead of connections, we prioritise work over relationships and family fits into the schedule, rather than being prioritised. More frequently relationships are broken down to what they can provide for us, rather than the enjoyment of another person.
But God is all about relationships. He wants us to be reconciled to Him and gives us the work of reconciliation. 2 Cor 5:18-19 MSG
“All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.”
Jesus too, was intentional about his relationships and is the example we follow. (You can read more about this in “Circles of Influence” ) But in short the gospels show us Jesus spending time with a small group of 12 followers who he called friends (John 15:14-15). Then he had an inner circle of three that he shared an even greater depth of relationship with. (Matthew 17:1). We also see Jesus initiating relationships with difficult people: a crooked tax collector named Zacheus; a promiscuous Samaritan Women at a well; and a Jewish religious leader named Nicodemus. Jesus demonstrated intentionality in the relationships he built. He gave them time, focus and energy.
If relationships are so important to God, we too need to make relationships important in our lives.
Living our lives with intentionality includes how we intentionally build into our relationships. Do we allow chance and time to shape our relationships or are we intentional about the relationships we have and how we spend our time, focus and energy in those relationships. Jesus has many instructions on how we are to serve one another…
- “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love…” (Romans 12:10)
- “…Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)
- “…Serve one another in love.” (Galatians 5:13)
- “…Build each other up…” (I Thessalonians 5:11)
- “…Encourage one another.” (Hebrews 10:25)
- “…Pray for each other.” (James 5:16)
All of these require intentionality.
Here are a few suggestions on how to be more intentional:
- Start at home. Be intentional about making time for the most important relationships in your life. Spend time with individual members of the family as well as together times for the whole family. Be intentional about making memories. Know what is happening in their lives, what they are struggling with and what they are working on. In this way it becomes easier to encourage, build up and pray for each other. Go now and set a date to get-together. Brainstorm a memory making occasion and plan for it. Have a conversation that goes beyond the latest news and activities to “how are you really?”
- Have you made time for the closest friends? Our closest friends often get neglected because we kind of take them for granted. So, we cancel, let plans slide and before we know it, we haven’t seen each other in a long time. If it is a close friend, the joy of the time together does more to fill your soul than all the other things that clamor for our time. Be intentional about making a deeper connection with them. Plan a time in your diary, send a newsy voice note, make a phone call (or a video date). Send a message of encouragement but make connection often. If you do not make a regular deposit into your friend’s bank account, you cannot expect to make withdrawals when you need to.
- Your start. Don’t wait for others to make plans or make phone calls. Take the initiative and nurture your connections. Try set up a next date, or next phone call. If it doesn’t work, you can always move it, but it is about being intentional. Being pro-active shows that you value the relationship.
- Follow up. It is quite easy to catch up on the latest news and information, say goodbye and go on with our lives. But when we circle back around to see how they are doing, what happened, check in on them, we show others that we care enough to pause what’s going on in our busy schedules, to see how they are doing. It shows that my connection with you has more to do with ticking my list of seeing you, but that I am genuinely interested in what is happening in your life.
Be present. Consciously prioritise your presence in a room, or conversation. Put the phone away and actively listen to the conversation, ask questions and contribute to the conversation. So many of us are present with people, but not available to them. Being present is about sharing the richness of our lives so that occasions become special memories.- Express gratitude. Acknowledging the efforts of your loved ones can strengthen your ties and remind everyone of their importance in your life. Thank them for their efforts, their commitment, their sacrifice and their love.
- Make your circle bigger. Be intentional about building new relationships. AND including them in your circle. The truth is that people move away, or seasons change and friendships can change. Being intentional about including new people into your life is a way of increasing your friendship circle and the richness of your relationships.
Relationships take work and practice, and the quality of our relationships will be determined by how intentional we are about nurturing them.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”
That’s a great image of the importance of relationships. If we are intentional about how we go about relationships, then we will be able to “be careful” about how we live our lives, making use of every opportunity and redeeming our time. (Eph 5:15-17)
Lord, help me to be more intentional in my relationships. Not just to acknowledge that relationships need work but help me to plan times to nurture and develop them. Please forgive me for not making relationships a priority and not giving them the appropriate time, focus and energy. Thank you for family and friends and the wonderful richness they bring to my life. They are a blessing from You.
Leave A Comment