My friend Betty does the ‘single life’ really well.  That said it has not been all roses and it has been a delight to journey with her in her experience of being single and she has helped countless girls make peace with being single.  She has shared her stories before in “Hello God, I am still Single,”  which continues to receive regular hits, but this fresh insight had me giggling and sharing it with other women.  If you are single, this will give you food for thought.  If you are not single perhaps it is a good thing to consider how other people are experiencing your “cake.”  Enjoy.


“I am convinced that deep inside, there is a fat girl within me that is dying to come out! The only reason she hasn’t come out thus far is, because I keep her in check with a reasonable eating plan (I’m always on some sort of diet) and plenty of exercise. But alas, I must confess that occasionally I give in to her and indulge in loads of decadent desserts. I simply can’t resist cake.

This is exactly what happened the other day when I went to lunch with very dear friends of mine. After having a very healthy main course, we tucked into delicious slices of perfectly moist red velvet cake and carrot cake. Yum! At that very moment I realised that what was better than eating the cakes, was that I was sharing it with these very exceptional girlfriends. Good and beautiful things, along with memorable moments in life have and gain their value and meaning when they are shared.

Perhaps this is the same sentiment I along with so many single women allude to when we say we’ve come to that point in our individual lives where we want to “share our life with someone” – someone special of course.

Whilst this statement feels true for many of us single women, I want to just take a moment to analyse it quickly.

We are essentially saying that our lives are so rich and full that we alone can no longer contain all its goodness and thus must share it. Basically, our lives can be compared to a delicious slice of red velvet cake in which we delight to devour. Yet when I look at my life, what makes me think and believe that it is worth sharing? Allow me to stick to the cake analogy and indulge me for a few minutes.

perfect cakeBecause I love cake so much, I have a strict checklist of criteria that a cake must meet in order to be awarded the Betty’s Honorary Delicious Cake Approval Stamp (BHDCAS). It must first and foremost be moist and melt in my mouth – after all, who likes dry cake? Secondly, it must be fresh as no one likes stale cake. Thirdly, it must comprise more of the spongy starch interior (yes carbs) rather than excessive exterior icing and decor. And finally, I must naturally and most definitely approve of the flavor: classic, simple, with recognisable flavors. A cake meeting all the above criteria; will receive a BHDCAS and be worth sharing with others.

Back to my life or our individual lives, are they comparable to the approved, worthy cakes?

  1. Do we have a moist and satisfying interior consisting of the delicious fruit of the Holy Spirit as mentioned in Galatians 6:22? Or are we actually dry and unpalatable thus having to rely on plenty of exterior “icing” (external adornment, achievements, and other paraphernalia) to make us appealing, noticeable, and flavorful (1Tim 2:9-10)?
  2. Are we fresh? By this I’m by no means referring to age but rather an internal freshness that comes from being renewed in our mind daily through constant communion and relationship with God as we are instructed to do in Romans 12:2 and Titus 3:5.
  3. Or are we stale? Relying on previous victories, past spiritual breakthroughs, and second-hand knowledge of God that are not our own convictions to justify our existence and belief?

Unfortunately I’m ashamed to confess that I along with many single women am for the most part not a slice of delicious cake worthy of a Betty’s Honorary Delicious Cake Approval Stamp (BHDCAS). We still need a lot of work done to our inner being before we can be “shared”.

The real truth is that most of the time, when we make the statement that, we are ready to share our lives with someone, what we actually mean is something along the lines of: “Please won’t someone rescue me from my sad existence and give my life meaning, purpose, and worth. I am not enjoying my life and am actually at the place where I’m ready to share someone special’s life with them!”

 The gift of singleness gives me time to do the internal surgery of my heart, to make me more palatable.

Now I realise that I’m not talking to everyone, not every single woman’s life is a dry, stale, unpalatable slice of cake. There are some of us whose lives are worth sharing because we are just that “tasty.” So how come we are still single? A truthful answer: I don’t know. But what I do know is that Jesus commands:

Do not give what is holy (or set apart for God*) to dogs, or throw your pearls in front of pigs, lest they trample them with their feet, and turn around and tear you to pieces” (Matt 7:6).

partywith cakeIf you truly believe that you are a rare and precious jewel or a delicious cake, a woman worth her weight in gold; then you will be willing and settled in waiting no matter how long it takes for that special man to walk into your life and recognise your worth, all the while maintaining your “tastiness.”  There is no need to be frustrated or anxious about when, where, how, this will happen because we know that “the steps of a good man/woman are established/ordered by the LORD, when He delights in his/her way” (Ps 37:23).


If you enjoyed this post, also read:

Hello God, I’m still Single

Stop Making Him Play Your Piano