Sometimes the most frustrating thing in life is living with our loved ones! Frustrating because we cannot control them, cannot stop them hurting themselves, or us. Cannot determine or control what will happen to them. Particularly teenagers! Personal sensitive spot! There is so much I would want to protect them of, so much that I don’t want to happen to them because I don’t want them to get hurt. When I went to the Lord with my fear, He told me to “Set them free in My love.”
Looking this up in John 15, we are given a Royal Law of God’s Kingdom: Love your neighbour as yourself, again referred to in James 2:8 as the ‘royal law.’ This is to be the basis for all relationships and in James 2:12 it tells us to “speak and act (walk and talk) as those who are going to be judged by the law (law based on love) that gives freedom.” So, let us summarise:
That law of LOVE gives freedom.
In Christ’s love for us, we receive freedom, freedom to choose Him and freedom to decide how we will live our lives. He does not force His love on us, but woe’s us with His love so that we choose Him for ourselves. This freedom given to us by God, out of His love for us is the freedom IN LOVE that we live out in relationship with others. Loving my loved ones, means letting them free into God’s love and my daily walk and talk will show evidence of this.
Remember that saying, “If you love someone set them free,” well it is true.
Learning to be content in life, includes letting go, giving our loved ones freedom.
It includes surrendering them to the Lord in His love.
How do we set someone free?
- Allowing them to be themselves and not trying to cajole, manipulate, influence or control them.
- Allowing them to make their own choices without guilt, without condemnation.
It’s called giving them ROOTS and WINGS
ROOTS – in that I love you no matter what you do and who you are (we differentiate between sin and the sinner). I may not like you, but I love you no matter what.
WINGS – in that I give you freedom to be your own person, do your own thing – your way.
When we give our loved ones wings we allow the Holy Spirit to work in their lives. We let them go, we release them into God’s hands. As Mom, I am finding this incredibly hard. But it seems that this is exactly when God gets to work. Part of letting go is letting go our expectations, our fears, our hopes, our happy ever after dreams. Sometimes letting someone go, is saying: “You don’t have to love me back.” Sometimes letting go is saying: “You don’t have to change right now.” Sometimes letting go is saying, “You don’t have to make me happy.”
This is when loving is done in the power of the Holy Spirit because there is no other way to do it. It goes against our desires, our instincts and our natural desires (our flesh). It screams against everything within us, but letting go is choosing to love in a 1 Cor 13:5 way – “love is not rude, it is not self-seeking.” It expects nothing in return. It chooses to set our loved ones free with no strings attached.
Our feelings get in the way, sometimes we just don’t want to forgive them for not changing, for not being who we want them to be. Our feelings can overwhelm us and they can make it hard to be content. But loving is a decision, a decision to starve our feelings and to love anyway.
Starve the feelings and feed the decision to love, the decision to be content, the decision to find joy in our circumstances – anyway! Starving my feelings is not allowing my mind to dwell on them, it is not that my feelings are not valid, it is just that finding contentment and choosing to love is the greater choice.
The Holy Spirit is the one that imparts that ability to put the things of the flesh aside and pursue the greater, the treasure in heaven. We choose to put ourselves – all our emotions, our dreams, our desires, our wishes, our hopes, our thoughts, our attitudes, our fears, our “living sacrifice” (Rom 12:1) on the altar to be burnt up. Choosing to sacrifice what we desire, counting it as irrelevant as it is burnt to ashes, so that we can find the greater. It is planting the seed of dying to self in order to harvest godliness. 1 Tim 6:6 “Godliness with contentment is great gain,” – eternal treasure!
Job 22:24-25 Lay your treasure in the dust, the Almighty will be your treasure and be precious silver to you.
He is more than capable of looking after our loved ones.
Lord in You I can hide all my treasures because You will guard them for eternity. Help me to surrender control to You and allow You to look after my loved ones. Help me to let go and let God. I know that I will be afraid and want to take control again, but help me Holy Spirit to set aside my feelings and trust God for good in my life and the life of my loved ones. Help me to give freedom without condition or expectation.